Make the call center a profit center instead of a cost center.

MAKE THE CALL CENTER A PROFIT CENTER INSTEAD OF A COST CENTER.

Marketing and CRM strategists have been screaming that line for at least as long as I've been covering CRM. Probably longer. It doesn't take great insight to point out where this strategy has led to some pretty silly behavior in the call center, such as agents focusing on making an upsell when they haven't actually addressed the problem that caused the customer to call in the first place.

The other day, however, I ran into a real winner. MBNA sent me a new credit card, which like most credit cards nowadays had to be activated through an efficient self-service toll-free phone call. Keep in mind that from my point of view, this was all superfluous to begin with--I only received a new card for branding purposes, as MBNA's promotional partner had pulled out of the card I had. But I didn't mind because activating a credit card takes just a few seconds—because really, how much time does it take a modern server to look up a 16-digit credit card number, a 10-digit phone number, and a 5-digit zipcode?

At least, normally, it only takes a few seconds. This day, however, MBNA decided to toss me a curveball. Instead of the customary 5-second wait, I had to sit through two commercials for third-party products—a telephone concierge service and cell phone insurance, I think. (Synergistic marketing at work... that way I'm covered if someone snatches the phone out of my hand while I'm asking for directions!) Finally, after the commercials had come to an end, then and only then was I assured that my card was activated.

After hanging up, I promptly called a live operator at MBNA, asked them for an unrelated change to my account that I needed, and informed her in cool, measured tones that if MBNA ever wasted my time like that again, I'd be using a different credit card. But even as I said it, I feared deep in my heart that it was an empty threat... that MBNA's clever way of turning the cost (however meager) of delivering self-service activation into profit (however meager) would immediately be cloned by the rest of the industry.

I seethed. I wanted to write about this, but I knew what all the marketing consultants would say. Then I realized that living inside me was an imaginary marketing consultant. He says his name is Mark Ratiere (one of the e's is silent, although Mark won't tell me which.) Since I couldn't get him to leave, I decided to save a phone call and conduct an imaginary interview with myself.

I mean, with Mark.

JC: Mark, can you explain to me why it's so important that the call center generate profit?

MR: Of course. Because profits are better than costs! I think we can both agree to that, can't we?

JC: Yes, of course. But I didn't call to spend money or generate a profit for anybody. I called in to activate my credit card.

MR: Yes, but just think! You might have not known about that wonderful telephone concierge service or that you can insure your cell phone!

JC: I knew about the former and don't care about the latter. Therefore, I'm pretty indignant about the whole waste of my time, short on the grand scale of things though it may be.

MR: Ah! But imagine if you didn't know about the former or did care about the latter! You'd be pleased! You'd be bursting at the seams with joy! Why, you would have called up, ordered baseball tickets, insured your cell phone against a drop down a sewer grate, and who knows, you might even have called that nice MBNA agent to pass along your gratitude to the company that they had shared the news of these wonderful services with you!

JC: But I didn't, don't, and won't.

MR: That's as may be, but someone else might!

JC: Yes, of course. But if trying to monetize the call center ends up alienating customers, won't they be hurting their long-term profitability?

MR: Let me ask you a question, Jason. I didn't want to have to bring this up, but MBNA recently agreed to be purchased for $35 billion by Bank of America. So presumably, they've done something right all these years, up to and including playing radio commercials at people activating their credit cards. Have you ever been handed a $35 billion acquisition offer? Even $35 million? This sort of not-putting-commercials-in-your-credit-card-activation thinking won't earn you the big bucks, I'm afraid.

JC: Touché.